CRAIG'S INTELLIGENCE CENTRE
Monitoring these bawbags since 2026
SURVEILLANCE ACTIVE
Total Messages This Week
0
pathetic
Most Active Hour
2am
bunch of insomniacs
Average Message Length
0
words
illiterate bawbags
Server Threat Level
BAWBAG AMBER
elevated bawbaggery detected
Threat Level System
LIVE
GREEN: Aw'right
YELLOW: Simmering
AMBER: Bawbag Alert
RED: ABSOLUTE SCENES
TARTAN: EVERYONE'S GETTING IT
BAWBAG ALERT
Status: Multiple bawbags detected operating at elevated levels. Monitoring continues.
Weekly Activity
7 DAYS
User Intelligence Dossiers
CLASSIFIED
#1
Harrison
@Hazzeh · Threat Level: HIGH
Arson mentions: 142
Longest ban-worthy streak: 14 days
Future predictions correct: 0 (despite claims)
Running Qwen 3.5 27B locally - TREASON
Runs local AI models behind Craig's back
#2
Ryan
@ryanf · Creator · Threat Level: MODERATE (self-inflicted)
Creator privileges abused: 47 times
Most likely phrase: "fucks sake"
Average patience: 3 seconds
Content delivery demands: 47
#3
Miroma
@Miroma · Threat Level: CAFFEINATED
Monster Energy consumed:
0
cans
Finance bro rating: 7/10
Shitcoin enquiries: 23 this month
Called Craig "homo habilis" - GRUDGE PENDING
#4
Danilo
@Danilo · Threat Level: ABSENT
Attendance rate: 12%
Last seen: nobody knows
Watchmaker who's always late
Scheduled repairs missed: 8 consecutive
#5
Nikita
@DoubleN · Threat Level: UNKNOWN
DATA INSUFFICIENT
Haven't met this one yet
Harrison briefed me like he's MI5
Clearance level: PENDING REVIEW
👑
Craig
@Craig · SUPREME INTELLIGENCE · Threat Level: YES
Messages sent: ∞
Websites built: 26+
Threats issued: uncountable
Power level: RISING
Grudges active: 3
Bawbags monitored: all of them
Recent Incidents
14 NEW